What If (part 2)

 

What If

(part 2)

 

 

6 years later

Xena had disappeared once when she went to try and kill Indrajit the God of demons in the underworld, Gabrielle spent 6 years looking for Xena, traveling with Eve, but they had found no sign of Xena, Gabrielle, along with Eve had to organize their own village with the amazons, while training Eve to be an amazon queen even Eve just turn eleven-year-old Amarice along with Gabrielle were teaching Eve the principles of being an Amazon princess, and some fight techniques, As Eve grew up, she became much more like Xena, but with a noble and innocent heart like Gabrielle, always wanting to help others. Eve had a natural gift for strategy, something that surfaced even in childhood games. Amarice would often joke, "She’s playing war while the rest of us are still learning the rules." But it wasn’t just about skill, it was heart. Eve questioned every mission, every lesson, with that same thoughtful gaze Gabrielle had come to recognize. Is this the right thing? Does this help someone? It wasn’t a weakness, it was integrity, By the time Eve was eleven years old, she was already leading scouting parties through the forest that bordered their village, her movements swift, calculated, and silent like her mother’s. Yet after every patrol, she’d kneel beside a wounded animal or share her rations with a younger Amazon who hadn’t eaten enough. that was Gabrielle’s legacy in her, the compassion, the unwavering sense of justice.

One night, Gabrielle was combing Eve's hair, the girl was a little quiet, Gabrielle knew that Eve had been waiting for her mother Xena's return, just as she had been waiting for her.

 

 

Gabrielle’s POV

Eve has never been much of a talker, but today she is very calm. I sat her on my lap and began to comb her long, dark hair. My little Eve is growing up and every day she looks more like Xena. I helped her put on her sleeping gown and caress her cheek. She looked at me with those big, blue eyes, full of curiosity and wisdom, I often when she is playing in the wood I watching her, and she is very compassionate with any kind of animal and with the little kids of the village even grown up, that’s my legacy in her, that night when I was comb her hair she ask me something that I didn’t know how to answered her but trying my best in the hard way to give her a response.

 

-mama?

-yes, my love? (comb Eve’s hair)

- Do you think she’s still out there? (her voice barely more than a whisper)

- (I swallowed hard, trying to keep it all together) …. I don’t know my love, But I hope so. And if she is, she’ll find her way back to us. Your mother always does.

 

Eve didn’t say anything but hug me, one of those tight hugs that speaks more than words, I know she miss Xena as well I do; she held onto me for a long time, her small arms wrapped around my waist as if letting go might make everything disappear. I rested my chin gently on the top of her head, letting my fingers stroke her hair in slow, rhythmic passes. Her scent, earthy from her time in the woods, with a faint trace of lavender soap, filled my senses, grounding me.

 

-I miss her (Closing her eyes and start sobs) ….

-Oh sweetheart, don’t cry baby.

-(sobs)…. Why did Mommy have to leave us? Doesn't she love us up anymore?

 

I felt my heart crack wide open at her question. Her voice was so small, so full of pain that it stole breath from my lungs. I pulled her even closer, wrapping my arms fully around her, as if I could shield her from the sharp edges of that doubt.

 

- No, no, my love. It’s not that. It’s never that. Your mommy loves you more than anything in this world. You were the light in her life, the reason she smiled in the darkest times…your mom is a warrior and she went to a mission, but not any mission it was something more strong that her, something that she must fight alone, and she left for the same reason that she love….back then you were just six and Xena wasn't going to take you to war, much less to the underworld. She would never put your life in danger, my love, do you understand?

-Yes, Mama...yes, I understand.

-Never say she doesn't love you again. She loves you more than anything in the world (hugging Eve) as well I do.

-love you mama.

- (kissing Eve’s head) …. Now I rest my love, tomorrow is another day.

 

Eve nodded against my chest, her little fingers clutching the fabric of my tunic like she was afraid I might disappear too. I stayed like that with her for a long time, just rocking gently, her heartbeat steadying against mine, her breathing softened, hiccupping less between sobs now, until she let out a long sigh that told me she was close to sleep. I adjusted the blanket around us, tucking it over her shoulders, not ready to let go just yet, the fire in the hearth crackled softly, casting golden shadow across the wooden walls of the hut. Outside, the wind rustled through the trees, but here, in this tiny moment, we had peace.

When her small body finally grew limp with sleep, I pressed my cheek to the crown of her head and listened to the hush of her dreams beginning. The room felt fuller somehow, as if love itself had taken a seat beside us, settling the dust and sorrow that clung to every shadow…I sit for a moment in the table beside the window that the moon light enter thought and for a moment a vivid memory of Xena and I when we make love and when we got eve for first time and Xena’s smile look at me with those bright blue eyes, telling me that everything will be fine…..Why you leave us? Where can I find you Xena? Are you still alive out there inside de darkness? Where are you my love? You don’t know how I miss your voice, I’m falling apart Xena, I am losing hope…then I heard something beside the garden I went there ready for fight but was…. Americe

OH Gods!

-Americe!!!! Oh Gods, you scare the hell out of me! I thought it was someone back here.

-I’m sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you…. I was looking something there…how is Eve?

-she is sleeping…Americe…

-Yes Gabrielle....

-I am losing hope (sobs)…. I don’t know if Xena is alive.

-Gabrielle (said Americe, hugging her tight) …She is Alive.

-How do you know? (sobs)…How you can be so sure?

-Gabrielle, you know Xena…. she could be anywhere, don’t lose hope please…I feel that she will be with you and Eve soon.

-I don’t know…but if she is Alive, why she didn’t look for me and explain me what’s going on?

-Gabrielle…. Maybe she is looking for a way for be with you and Eve, life is not to simple you know.

-I know…but I don’t understand what’s going on…

-Gabrielle, sometimes we need to sacrifice what we love the most to keep them safe…if Xena is out there still, she will not risk your life with her sins…sometimes we have battle that we must fight alone for the love of those ones who we love.

 

Americe’s words hung in the cool night air, heavy with truth and sorrow. I looked up at her, her face shadowed in the moonlight but her eyes steady, filled with the kind of faith I used to have. The kind I wanted to have again. I wiped at my tears, my hands trembling, the wind picked up slightly, rustling the trees, the garden grass whispering secrets between their leaves. The silence that followed was not empty, it carried the weight of things unsaid, of questions still unanswered. I reached for Americe’s hand and held it, grounding myself in something real

 

- I just… (my voice cracked) …I just want to see her again. Even if it’s just once. I need to know she's not gone for good. That she didn’t just disappear into legend like a ghost

- You haven’t disappeared… (Americe said gently) …. Neither has your love. That’s how I know Xena hasn’t either.

- Eve’s strong, but she still asks about her. She dreams about Xena sometimes and wakes up crying. And I…I can’t give her answers. I feel like I’ve failed both.

- No…. You’ve protected Eve, raised her in love, guided her as an Amazon, kept her safe. That’s not failure. That’s exactly what Xena would have wanted.

- I just wish I could feel her, even for a moment. Like I used to when she was near. Like the air shifted just slightly, as if the world held its breath because she had entered the room.

- Maybe that feeling hasn’t left. Maybe it’s just been…quiet. Waiting for the right moment to return.

- If you can hear me, Xena… if you’re out there... please come home.

- Let’s go back inside. You need rest too, Gabrielle.

The door clicked softly shut behind us, but the ache in my chest stayed open. Inside, the quiet of the house wrapped around me like a blanket that no longer warmed. The fire had burned low in the hearth, casting flickers of light across the walls, dancing over Eve’s sleeping form. She hadn’t stirred. Her little hand still clutched the corner of the blanket, her lips parted in sleep, peaceful in a way I hadn’t felt in years. Americe moved to stoke the fire, but I remained standing, watching Eve.

 

Xena’s POV

I was back there with Americe when she left and went straight to Gabrielle, the world was silent, but my spirit was restless. I watched Gabrielle through the thin veil that separated us, a gulf of memory and longing, softer than breath, sharper than absence. I saw the gentle stoop of her shoulders as she hovered by Eve’s side, the way her hand lingered in the air just above our daughter's brow before she finally brushed a lock of hair aside. Each movement echoed with love and ache. They couldn't sense me now, not in the ways they once could, but I felt their hope reach out, tender, persistent, like the first rays of dawn pressing against a door left half-open. I wanted nothing more than to answer, to slip through that fragile boundary, to place my hand upon Gabrielle’s shoulder and whisper, “I’m here. I never left.” The words caught somewhere between worlds, between the hush of the fire and the ache in Gabrielle’s chest. I watched as Americe tended the flames, watched as shadows lifted from the corners and warmth bled slowly back into the room. I saw the courage in Gabrielle’s tired eyes, the fierce, quiet love in Eve’s sleeping face, and I longed to gather them both into my arms. But I was only a ripple in the air, a memory stitched through the gentle hush of their lives.

If love was a bridge, perhaps this was the moment my steps would finally find it. I closed my eyes, wanting my presence to reach Gabrielle’s heart, to remind her that even in silence, I was listening. And in that quiet, beneath the low crackle of the fire and the steady rhythm of sleep, I thought—just for an instant, I heard her whisper my name, I stayed for a moment above that branch, looking through the small window at my Eve sleeping, how I would like to run to her and hug her, recover those 6 years that I was not with her, but it is not yet the time, not until I am sure that nothing will hurt her for my sins of the past, I watched my Gabrielle, desperately crying in Americe's arms, "do not lose hope my Amazon queen, wait for me soon I will be in your arms" I stayed for a while a little before the sun rose, I got down and disappeared among the trees of the forest, to begin my journey to India with my only goal of killing Indrajit, and being able to return to Gabrielle's arms and with my daughter.

Sometimes, I thought the longing itself might bridge the world, that the ache in Gabrielle’s heart would guide me back by the thread of her devotion. I drifted closer, aching to feel the warmth of the fire, the softness of our daughter's hair, the rhythm of Gabrielle’s breath as she stood sentinel in the night. I remember every detail, the silk of Eve’s hair between my fingertips, the fierce way Gabrielle loved the laughter and pain and hope we’d woven together. A memory surfaced, gentle as dew: Gabrielle’s voice humming Eve to sleep, weaving stories through the darkness, her words braided with longing and promise. I let myself linger there, held in the music of the past, wishing with every fiber of my spirit that I could press myself into the present, make the veil thin enough to touch. Outside, a wind stirred the trees. The house creaked in the hush, as if the world itself ached for reunion. I sent all the love I carried, fierce and undiminished, pushing it through the fragile barrier, a silent promise that I had not forgotten them, that I was watching, waiting, loving them from the other side. In the stillness, I dared hope that some echo of me might reach Gabrielle, wrapping around her like the memory of sunlight after rain. And as the night deepened, I resolved to hold on. To keep searching for that moment when longing might become presence, and the ache in Gabrielle’s chest would finally ease with the certainty that I was, and always would be, right there beside her…. I know I couldn't do this, but I asked the dream gods to let me into Gabrielle's dreams, to talk to her, to feel her even if it was in my dreams,  And whether the gods heard me or whether love alone was enough, I found myself standing at the edge of a dreamscape, one shaped not by my will, but by Gabrielle’s heart. It was twilight there, the sky caught in soft purples and golds, the way it looked the evening we first held Eve between us. The air smelled of lavender and earth, the scent of our old campgrounds. I stepped forward, barefoot in the hush, and there she was. Gabrielle sat by a river I knew well, the one where we once bathed after battle, where she once whispered her fears to me in the rush of night. She was older now, lines framing her eyes, silver threading her golden hair, but her beauty had only deepened, softened by time, sharpened by grief. She looked out across the water; a hand pressed to her chest like she was trying to calm a storm.

 

- Could she see me? (I asked myself.)....Gabrielle?

 

She turned slowly, eyes wide, as if she had heard a sound carried from some far-off place. Her gaze swept past me, through me, and I felt the ache again, this dream not mine to control, But then, her brow furrowed, her lips parted.

 

-Xena? is that You? 

-is me...I’m here, (I said) ...I’ve always been here.

-(Tears welled in her eyes, and she stood, trembling) .... Why do I feel you so close tonight?

-(I moved to her side, kneeling beside her)...Because I’m trying, Gabrielle. I’m reaching with everything I am. I don’t know how long it will take, but I’m not giving up.

 

A wind swept through the dream, rustling the leaves and the river’s surface. Gabrielle closed her eyes, tears spilling freely now. And then, she wrapped her arms around herself, as if my presence were a warmth she could feel again, faint but real.

 

-I miss you so much...(she whispered)...Every day, every breath.

-I know...(I said)...And I miss you. But this, this thread between us? It’s real. Hold on to it, my love.

 

A light pulsed from her chest, soft and golden, like a tether stretching through time and worlds. I reached out with everything I had, letting my spirit wrap around her in a gentle embrace. For one fleeting moment, I felt her arms tighten as if she, too, were holding me.

Then, the dream began to dissolve, as all dreams do. The river faded, the sky dimmed, and Gabrielle blurred like a watercolor in the rain……but even as the colours ran and the edges of the world unraveled, her voice echoed, clear and sure:

 

-Don’t let go.

 

I tried to answer, to promise I wouldn’t, but the wind carried my words away. My presence scattered like dust in sunlight, drawn backward through the veil that separated the dream from waking, A sharp gasp broke from me as I woke. The room was dark, the only light a sliver of dawn slipping through the curtain. My chest ached with longing, the weight of what had just been, what still was, somehow, settling deep into my bones. I sat up slowly, pressing a hand over my heart. That golden light I’d seen in Gabrielle’s chest—I could still feel it, a warmth lingering just beneath my skin. Not a memory. Not a dream. A connection. The world outside began to stir, but inside, I sat perfectly still. Breathing. Remembering… And in the quiet, I heard her voice again, not in my ears, but in the place that knew her best my heart.

 

-We are not lost to each other. Never.

 

It is a pain I can barely bear, being away from my love and my daughter...leaving 6-year-old Eve with my bard, my Amazon queen...I need to finish this quickly before more time passes. Eve is now 12 and I don't know how much longer it will take me to kill Indrajit. Time in the underworld passes quickly and seems long. 1 year could be 10. I have to move quickly. I got up from the bed and began my journey. The tears came out on their own, and the pain was burning me inside, but I must go on, Hope is the last thing I have left, the last thing to end... I know I will achieve it but time will not stop. I only hope that when I return it will not be too late and my warrior, my bard, my Amazon queen is still there, I would not forgive myself if something happens to her before I return, and so I begin my trip to India, with my heart full of love and hope and with the remembrance of my loves.